My Mortal A My Immortal Troll
by VanitySkull
Summary: After reading My Immortal by Xxxbloodywrists666xxX, I decided to flip Ebony's world upside down and completely destroy it. It's written from a prep's-in Ebony's opinion-point of view. And with proper grammar! Love it or hate it
1. Chapter 1

AN: The story line of this fanfic is intentionally stupid. It is technically a fanfic based on the worst fanfic ever written: My Immortal, however I intend to A) use proper spelling and grammar, B) completely destroy/troll My Immortal, and C) Flip Ebony's world upside down. If you haven't yet read or finished My Immortal, I suggest that you do so before reading this fanfic. Props (yes, props, not fangz) go to Hanna and Lily for helping me come up with ideas, places, and names. Harry Potter fans for life! And also Charlie McDonnell is quite sexy, just saying. I hope whoever reads this both loves and kind of hates it, like I did with My Immortal.

Chapter One

I woke up on Wednesday morning about an hour before classes and just lay in my small bunk in my Hufflepuff dorm (so hipster) for a few more minutes.

After finally gathering enough energy to groggily get out of bed, I went into the bathroom to wake up for the day. My roommates had already left so I had the place to myself. I didn't put much effort into my makeup, deciding to go light today (I'll leave that to your imagination instead of dragging out the process of applying every single fucking product in existence to my face and nails so that you don't rip your eyes out).

For clothes, I grabbed some acid-wash jeans, a vintage rock tee (the band of your choice), and a pair of Toms. I won't go into details about what every article looks like to save you 2-5 minutes of your time and your sanity. Afterward, I grabbed my things and went down to class, skipping breakfast.

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Eleanor Bliss Priscilla Skye Roxie Rose Starburst, but you can call me Ellie for short, because my name is so very unusually long for no apparent reason. My parents named me after I was born, which is how I got my name. I have loosely curled strawberry blonde hair that reaches my hips with a hidden strand of blue buried underneath it all (who knows if the blue is artificial or natural?). I have sky blue eyes and porcelain skin. I'm seventeen years old and attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I'm a major hipster, everyone thinks so, and my fashion style varies. I'm like the David Bowie of my generation but my favourite looks are steam punk, mod/vintage, minimalist or free spirited but I dress in the moment. I am a teen music junkie and I love art.

"OMS did yu guys her dat new goffik bnad, panic! at da disko?" called a familiar voice. Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way was sitting down with her gothic posse in the hall I had just stepped foot in. I don't have anything against goths, but I never really liked Ebony. I actually kind of hated her. I usually put up with her bi-polar rampages and stupidity but calling Panic! At The Disco goth? She had gone too far.

"Excuse me, but Panic! At The Disco are no where near gothic standards. There is no lack of melody in their music nor is their any talk of death or suicide and nor is there any screaming. Yeah, they are a rock band but calling them goth is like calling Justin Bieber quality music. It's a huge exaggeration. Learn your music!" I snapped.

She scoffed then called me a prep and told me to fuck off. I didn't care. I'd made my point. Oh, and did I forget to mention that I'm a vampire slayer? Yep. Have been for years. And being one is completely like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It rocks. But, because I care about most people, I only kill when attacked or when someone tells me to kill.

I opened the giant wooden door and entered the classroom, quietly having a seat.

"Miss Starburst. Nice of you to join

And I'm going to randomly end the chapter there.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Thanks for the reviews, guys! I'm glad you like my troll so far! Props (geddit cause I'm normal) to Lily and Hanna again. You guys are awesome! And there might be two people in this chapter you'll know all too well…

Chapter Two

"Miss Starburst. Nice of you to join us" called Professor Snape (Taking a mental note I hope, Tara) from the front of the class.

"Umm yeah. Hi" I said shyly, all eyes on me. I must have lost track of time.

Snape continued with his lesson as I settled in, already wanting class to end, and just under two hours later, it did.

After my classes had finished for the day, I met up with my friends Lily Cat Partridge, who belonged to Ravenclaw, and Neville Longbottom who belonged to Gryffindor. Yes, after the whole Ebony fiasco, Neville came to his senses and realized that he wasn't a bisexual vampire, he hated My Chemical Romance and that he couldn't just randomly switch from Gryffindor to Slytherin. He has since returned to his sweet, dorky and adorable self and just speaking Ebony's name makes him throw up profusely. And he will knock out anyone who randomly takes his wand without permission or who calls him Dracula, Nevil, or (shudder) Navel. He would much rather wear his cardigan over his Good Charlotte T-shirt, thankyouverymuch.

"So how were your days, you guys?" I asked them both as we walked outside, where it was raining and snowing at the same fucking time.

"You know, the usual" answered Lily Cat. Neville nodded in agreement. We were all quiet today. Maybe it was the awkward weather we were having.

…

Later on, as I lay on the floor finishing my homework (an unfamiliar word to Ebony), my roommate (and friend) Daffodil Sunshine Fairylove opened the door and fell onto her bed. "Hey girl" I said. She answered with an exhausted hey back.

"Long day?" I asked.

"You have no idea."

After we finished our homework, we went down to the Great Hall for dinner, finding an empty spot for the both of us. We both tucked into our dinners when I noticed a tall guy with shaggy brown hair and deep eyes. I was immediately infatuated with him but was too chicken to introduce myself and quietly finished my dinner.

Once back in our dorm, Daffodil Sunshine and I were feeling restless so we put Ghost World (if you don't know what that is then THAT'S OKAY!) into the DVD player and started watching it on the TV we randomly happened to have in our dorm.

"Hey, did you notice that guy at dinner?" I asked Daffodil Sunshine

"Hmmm?" She said, confused.

"There was a guy at dinner tonight. I've never seen him before. Maybe he's new."

"I didn't notice him. Was he cute?"

"Pretty cute, yeah. I hope I see him around again."

Daffodil Sunshine nodded in agreement and we sat there in the dark, intrigued with the odd story of Enid and Rebecca, not saying another word.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Thanks again for the lovely reviews/applauds! It really warms me and just, you know, reminds me of why I'm here. To completely troll My Immortal! Props go to you—yes, you for reading!

Chapter Three

I woke up on the floor, Daffodil Sunshine asleep beside me. I wearily looked up and noticed the DVD menu for Ghost World was still on the TV. We must have fallen asleep during the movie. I looked up at the clock. We had two hours before class. I shook Daffodil Sunshine's shoulder until she woke up and told her we had to get ready.

I slowly stood up, my back and muscles aching. I had a speckled tattoo from the rug that ran along the length of my arm. After stretching, I hopped in the bathroom for a quick shower.

Fifteen minutes later, I opened the door and was hit with the cool, dry air that filled the remainder of our dorm. Daffodil sunshine was already dressed, choosing a minimal combination of skinny jeans, a tank top and an American Apparel hoodie.

"Morning, Ellie. I'm gonna head downstairs. I'll meet you at breakfast?" she asked.

"Sure" I answered.

I put on some Cranberries (if you don't know them then THAT'S OKAY BUT MAY I SUGGEST CHECKING THEM OUT!) and got dressed, choosing a combination of grey leggings, an undershirt and a translucent floral blouse as my outfit for the day. I brushed my hair grabbed my things and headed downstairs for breakfast.

At breakfast, I sat next to Daffodil Sunshine again and we ate and talked, our usual routine but I couldn't enjoy the moment as much as I wanted to because my eyes were constantly darting back and fourth in search of the mysterious new guy I had seen at dinner. He was no where to be found.

"What's our first class?" I asked Daffodil Sunshine. I was always forgetting my schedule.

"I think it's Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"My favourite" I commented, it was one of my favourite classes.

When we realized we didn't have much time until class started, we quickly finished the rest of our milk-drenched Cheerios and downed the rest of our pumpkin juice and were off to class.

…..

Professor Lupin was unusually dressed today. Since the whole Ebony fiasco he felt his soul needed some major cleansing, after being forced into "doing it" with Snape and being accused of pedophilia. He has since become Amish and only dresses in Amish fashions and also no longer films the students naked.

"Good morning class" he called.

We all stopped talking amongst ourselves and faced the front.

"Before we get started with today's class," he continued, "I would like to introduce you to a new student that will be placed in Hufflepuff house. It's his first week here, so be nice and help him around the school." A pair of dark green converse stepped out of the crowd and joined Lupin at the front of the class. "Everyone, this is Peter Blackwood"

"Hi, Peter" everyone greeted in unison.

Peter smiled shyly and glanced around the room, his eyes falling on me. My heart skipped a beat. I'd know those eyes anywhere. I turned to Daffodil Sunshine, my suspicions were true.

"That's the guy from dinner." I whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Thanks again for the reviews, you guys! And bye, Lily! Have fun in Europe girl! Tell Charlie McDonnell I said hi and send my love! I'll miss you; see you when you get back!

Chapter Four

I stood open-mouthed in the crowd, awkwardly staring at Peter. He was gorgeous! People were starting to look at me, so my friend Clara Dela Luna who was standing close by quickly closed my mouth before I drew more attention. I vowed to get to know this new Peter, no matter what.

The rest of the class went by in a hazy blur. I couldn't focus properly, and I could feel a crush coming on. Thankfully no one really paid any attention to me, they were all too busy trying to hold Ebony down and stop her from having one of her episodes. "Fook of prepz!" she screamed. She was randomly yelling at Britney again, and Britney was now starting to cry. Poor girl, all she asked for was help with her wand. I don't understand why Ebony hated her so much. She's super sweet, and honestly, who cares if she's a prep? She never did anything to Ebony. She's just trying to get on with her life, for God's sake! Ha! Unlike some people, I'm not afraid to use his name, even though I'm an atheist. I'm accepting of all opinions and religions, in fact, I appreciate the preps, even if I'm not one. They drive a part of our economy. Sure, it's the part responsible for the upkeep of brands like Hollister and Gucci, but still.

Ebony started screaming louder and louder, even though no one was holding on to her anymore. She ran out of the room, still screaming. Crazy bitch.

All day, all I could think about was Peter. Peter, Peter, Peter. Was it weird that I hadn't even officially met him and was thinking about him this much? It probably was, but my heart has a mind of its own. I walked outside where the sun was shining brightly but it was raining and hailing. Seriously? I only had one class left and was going to be late for it if I didn't run.

I ran down the hall, my books clutched to my chest when I bumped into who else but Peter Blackwood, my books scattering everywhere. Should have seen that one coming.

"Oh gosh I am so sorry! I didn't see you!" I apologized. "Hey, don't worry about it. I should have moved out of the way" he said. He smiled at me as we both got up. He had a cute smile that spread across his entire face. I looked into his eyes. They were a deep brown, and there was something oddly familiar about them.

"I'm Ellie," I awkwardly introduced myself.

"Hey, I'm Peter," he introduced himself, not catching on to my awkwardness.

"Okay, well I better get going, but are you sure you're okay?" I asked.

"Actually, I'm a little lost. Can you help me find out where Divination is?"

I brightened. "I have that class next, too. It's on the seventh floor. I can take you there."

"Seriously? The seventh floor?" he had been running everywhere, I was sure of it.

"Yep, and we better hurry, or we'll be late"

….

Professor Trelawney hadn't yet started the lesson as Peter and I found our seats. In fact, she wasn't in the room at all when we arrived. When she finally entered, she as well had also returned to her normal quirky self and was not a strangely friendly gothic teacher.

"Hello, class," she started, "today we will be continuing our work with tea leaves, so everyone take a cup and pour yourselves some tea."

After everyone had drunk the tea, we all began to look into the leaves for something. There was nothing in my cup yet and I was starting to get concerned. I almost always saw something, but today just wasn't productive. I asked Professor Trelawney for some help and was finally able to see something after ten minutes of struggle. I gazed into the pit of the cracked china cup at the seeping leaves. What I saw was not pretty. It seemed as though I would have another vampire to fight.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: This is a special chapter that you don't have to read if you don't want to. Nothing really important happens in it and it's dedicated to my friend Lily who turned 16 today! Happy Birthday, girl! Thanks for the great idea!

Chapter Five

"Where are you taking me?" Lily Cat asked giddily.

"That's the point of a surprise, silly Lily Cat. You're not supposed to know where we're taking you." I answered.

I guided blindfolded Lily Cat's shoulders down the deserted hall, followed by our posse of friends: Daffodil Sunshine, Neville, Clara, and even Peter.

We had asked Lily Cat to dress up, doll up, and meet us in the Ravenclaw common room. Once she emerged clad in a sky blue dress, her light brown hair curled perfectly and her blue eyes framed by a set of über-long lashes, we ambushed her with the blindfold and were now bringing her to her surprise sweet seventeen birthday party.

We were all dressed up for the party we had been secretly planning for months on end. Everyone looked spectacular. I looked to Peaches Geldof for inspiration for my fancy-nautical ensemble. Daffodil Sunshine looked to Rooney Mara for her vintage number and Clara to Selena Gomez, it seemed, for her simple class. The boys were dressed nicely too, but I'll stop it there.

"Seriously, Ellie. Where are we going?"

"We're almost there, if you could wait a few seconds more." Clara answered for me.

We pushed open the giant, wooden doors of the Great Hall and carefully removed Lily Cat's blindfold. She gasped in awe. The tables had been moved, the banners changed, and the sky for a ceiling of the Great Hall was an elegant twilight. Colourful balloons floated in the air, streamers lined the walls and absolutely everything sparkled. There was a buffet big enough for two times the size of Hogwarts' student body and a small mountain of birthday presents had begun to form on one of the tables.

"You guys, you really shouldn't have! This is too much! How did you ever find the time? Everyone's here! I don't even know half of these people! Are they really here for me? Is that Cedric Diggory? He's so hot right now!" Lily Cat gushed, out of breath.

I giggled. "Yes, they're all here for you. We've been planning this for months. You can thank Daffodil Sunshine for coming up with the idea and Clara for planning. Do you like it?"

"Like it? I love it!" Lily Cat answered with childish glee, hugging us all.

It was true; practically the entire school had shown up, with the exception of most of the professors and some students who didn't bother to show up, mainly goths. Foster the People started to play and it didn't take long for Lily Cat to be pulled on the dance floor by Neville. I had been waiting for that match for a while.

I stood quietly and watched as everyone began to dance. Suddenly, I felt a hand touch my forearm and looked to find Peter standing next to me, pulling me toward the dance floor as well.

We all danced, talked and laughed for what felt like hours. Both Daffodil Sunshine and Clara had found dance partners and we never seemed to get tired. When Fireflies began to play, everyone left the dance floor, allowing the queen of the night to dance with her new found king, and then it was time for cake.

We all stood around the infinitely-tiered and precisely decorated white and blue cake (the work of Clara, the perfectionist that she is), and sang the traditional Hogwarts Birthday Song:

Happy Hogwarts Birthday!

Magic wizard birthday!

Fun wizard Happy Birthday fun, fun, fun, fun!

Magic flavour Birthday cake!

Wizard wishes you will make!

Happy Birthday dance with everyone!

2-3-4

Birthday magic wand!

Party Happy Birthday!

Wizard party school!

Magic magic wizard magic party!

Gryffindor! Party more!

Hufflepuff! Wizard stuff!

Ravenclaw! Hell naw!

Pretty sure that's everybody!

Happy Hogwarts Birthday!

Wizard school party!

Children eating cake inside their mouths!

Hogwarts lesson number one!

Never not be having fun!

Children eating cake inside their mouths!

Lily Cat made her wish, blew out her candles, and we all continued to dance the night away, our stomachs full and our hearts light.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: I'm sorry that I haven't been able to update the story, everyone! School is forcing control over my life right now and it's difficult to maintain any sort of hobby or project (that isn't school related, of course) right now. But, I was able to squeeze in tonight to update my troll, which you've probably all lost interest in by now. But I'll update it anyway! Props to Lily for being patient with me, and to a certain boy for making my day and making me a cliché by really getting me into NeverShoutNever. Props DO NOT go to my cat who ran away this morning. It's a good thing I found her.

Chapter Six

I woke up to a beautifully bright Monday morning with just enough time to get dressed and go to breakfast. I said my good mornings to Daffodil Sunshine and put some jj on the radio (if you don't know her, that's fine) as I pulled my vintage boat neck day dress in a lovely shade of pink over my head. I tied my Converse and pulled my hair in a loose bun as I waited for Daffodil Sunshine to get dressed herself.

The usual crowd surrounded us at breakfast, but the chatter was anything but normal.

"I had a weird experience in Divination last week, you guys. I think that we may have another vampire to kill."

Lily Cat, Clara Dela Luna, Daffodil Sunshine, and Neville gathered close.

"Obviously you're all familiar with Ebony in Slytherin house" I started. Neville started vomiting profusely into a nearby trash can as I continued "well, when I looked into my tea cup in class, I saw a horrible image of a bloody pentagram and I knew immediately that this can only mean that blood will be shed on Ebony's terms. The details are still pretty hazy but if Ebony is planning something, it'll mean total chaos. We have to stop her. But how?"

We all sat and thought for a minute.

"We would have to get her alone in order to fight her, but that's impossible because she always has someone with her. How do we get rid of her gothic posse?" Clara Dela Luna suggested.

"That's a great idea. And I know just how to get her alone." Lily Cat added.

"How?" everyone asked.

"Well, do you remember the scene in Mean Girls where they devise a plan to take down Regina George?"

"Yeah," everyone said.

"The same rules apply," she continued "Ebony would be nothing without her gothic posse, her man candy, her technically good physique, and her gothic lifestyle. We just need to eliminate those things before we can destroy Ebony for good. We'd be stopping a horrible thing from happening and be doing everyone a huge favor. Sound like a plan?"

"That sounds like a great plan, Lily Cat!" I said.

Everyone agreed that this plan was best and we began devising a scheme to take down the most annoying and potentially dangerous girl in school.

….

I later met up with Peter who pulled me aside from everyone else and forcefully shoved an earphone into my ear. "You have to listen to this," he said, as the song "Trouble" by NeverShoutNever began to swirl its way into my ear.

"I'm in trouble

I'm an addict

I'm addicted to this girl

She's got my heart tied in a knot

And my stomach in a whirl" Peter sang along off-key, scaring everyone who was near by.

I could feel the immense heat that rose to my cheeks as he continued to sing and attempt eye contact with me. A smile stretched its way across my face that lasted long after the song had ended. "I love it! I never really listened to NeverShoutNever before! He's really good!" I reacted. "So you just decided to sing this to me for the halibut?" (yeah, Ebony may have fangz, but I have my own annoying pun.) "Yeah," Peter answered, subtly grazing my hand with his.

After we joined the remainder of our friends, we passed by Ebony and her posse. I glared at her, my blue eyes full of determination and hatred. She glared back. Just wait until you see what we have in store for you, bitch, I thought as I kept walking.


End file.
